


cash me outside

by fluffypark



Category: BTOB
Genre: Crack, Friendship, Underage Drinking, i don't really know how to tag this, just for the lols, nothing makes sense so don't ask
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-07
Updated: 2018-10-07
Packaged: 2019-07-27 14:21:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,745
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16220894
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fluffypark/pseuds/fluffypark
Summary: What do you when you just won a million dollars? One: get drunk. Two: become robin hood…?A crack!fic where Hyunsik really won a million dollars and Ilhoon is probably the worst person to share the news with (ft. the 7tob gang).





	cash me outside

**Author's Note:**

> hey so this is my first fic in the kpop world, and my first crack fic! not proofread at all and I typed all of this in one seating oops.
> 
> for ash who just wants a hoonsik drunk crack fic lmao

 

***

Hyunsik thought he was being scammed when he received a text at 8 a.m. in the morning saying that he had won a million dollars. He still thought it was a scam when he came back from school and got a phone call, asking him if he wanted to claim the money. He had wanted to say “no” because he wasn’t going to let himself be scammed, but Ilhoon was eavesdropping on the call and asking him to say “yes”.

“Hyung, _hyuuuuuuuuuuung_ ,” Ilhoon whines at him. “Just say yes, say it for science.”

The older boy smacks the younger boy’s head and mouthed no.

“It’s not 100% a scam if we make fun of the whole scenario.”

“Can you give me a second?” Hyunsik says into the receiver. He rolls his eyes at Ilhoon and grits his teeth as he went to press the hold call button.

“Are you considering?” Ilhoon looks at him expectedly. “I knew it-”

“I paused the call to ask you to shut up, you idiot.”

“Ah, hyuuuuung, why are you like this?”

“Why are _you_ like this?”

“Like what?”

Hyunsik rubs his temples, taking a deep breath. “Why did I tell you about this, ah, I’m going crazy.”

“There’s literally no reason for you to _not_ say yes,” Ilhoon pouts. “Besides, if you had really thought it was a scam you’d have ended the call already.”

“I didn’t want to be rude!”

“Ah, hyung, you’re no fun,” Ilhoon continued whining. “Hyung, hyung, hyuuuuuuuu-”

Sighing, Hyunsik brings the phone to his ear. “Sure,” he finally says into the phone. Ilhoon punches the air, victorious. He waits until Hyunsik finishes polite-answering the scammer and grins at him when he finally does.

Hyunsik doesn’t wait for him as he walks towards his house.

***

That night, Hyunsik scrolls through his phone to check off the debts he owed and groans when he realizes he forgot to pay Eunkwang-hyung back for the beer he had asked to be smuggled into his room last week. He logs into the bank app he has on his phone to check if his pay was in yet, and he almost choked on absolutely nothing when he saw his bank balance. Well, he’s always choking when he sees the single digit in his bank account but now it was _seven_ digits and he’s sure he was being punished by the scam god.

There, written on his phone right in front of him, was $1,000,005, and he just stared at his phone until his vision goes blurry and he was wiping away tears. Still confused, he deliberates between taking a screenshot and sending it to the group chat or go to sleep because this was all a dream and he actually only has five dollars. He decides to do the former.

**[Im Hyunsik and 3 others are online]**

**Im Hyunsik** : Guys.

 **Peniel** : That we are, hyung.

 **Im Hyunsik** : No.

 **Changsub** : [moon emoji]

 **Minhyukie** : kkkkkkkkkk

 **Im Hyunsik** : As in, yes, we are, but ANYWAY.

**[The True Scammer is now online]**

**[6ixca$h is now online]**

**Im Hyunsik** : I’m going to send you guys a picture.

 **The True Scammer** : [side-eyes emoji]

 **6ixca$h** : is it nudes

 **6ixca$h** : I’m not interested in you in that way, hyung

 **Im Hyunsik** : [roll eyes emoji] listen

 **Im Hyunsik** : ok so I received a text this morning.

 **Minhyukie** : what text?

 **Peniel** : The one about Eunkwang-hyung getting hit on by the girl who lives down the street?

 **Im Hyunsik** : no, not that one.

 **Minhyukie** : he got WHAT

 **Peniel** : oh. good. I wasn’t supposed to talk about it.

 **Changsub** : you did tho?????????

 **Im Hyunsik** : someone texted me saying I won a million dollars.

 **Im Hyunsik** : and then they called me to ask if I was going to claim it.

 **The True Scammer** : of which I asked him to say yes

 **The True Scammer** : for science

 **The True Scammer** : obviously

 **The True Scammer** : did the person reply?

 **Im Hyunsik** : they did!!!!!!!!!

 **Changsub** : did you really give your details to a scammer

 **Peniel** : I’m disappointed in you, hyung.

 **Im Hyunsik** : no omg wait

**[Im Hyunsik shares a picture to the chat]**

**[Eunkwang hyung** **♡** **is now online]**

**6ixca$h** : holy shit

 **The True Scammer** : holy shit

 **Peniel** : holy shit

 **Minhyukie** : holy shit

 **Eunkwang hyung** **♡** : what did I miss?????????

 **Im Hyunsik** : It’s definitely not an illusion, right? I’m not dreaming? You guys are really seeing it?

 **Changsub** : :O

 **The True Scammer** : I’m coming over

**[The True Scammer and 2 others went offline]**

**6ixca$h** : I will kill u if this is actually a scam and you made me leave my room.

**[6ixca$h and 3 others went offline]**

***

In ten minutes, his small room was cramped from having seven teenage boys occupying every nook and cranny. They were all crowding around Hyunsik’s phone, staring silently at the number.

“Well,” Eunkwang starts, breaking the silence. “I guess the first thing is to decide what you want to do with the money.”

“That’s the thing,” Hyunsik sighs in frustration. “What _do_ I want to do with a million dollars?”

“We can make a list,” Minhyuk offers.

“Or,” Ilhoon rolls his eyes at his hyungs. “We can spend it first and _then_ think about what to do with the rest of the money.”

“I agree,” Sungjae raises his hand. Peniel just nods.

“Should… should I?” Hyunsik looks at Eunkwang for approval.

Changsub clears his throat. “Well, _I_ think that’s not a bad idea. I mean, a million dollars is a lot of money, it’s not like we can spend it all tonight if we went out to get drinks and maybe soondae… or jokbal…”

“He has a point,” Eunkwang says. “Ultimately, it’s _your_ money, Hyunsik-ah, but spending a bit tonight wouldn’t be such a bad idea.”

**

It was a bad idea.

They were only through eight beers _combined_ but after Ilhoon almost fell face first onto the grill, Sungjae started sobbing and Changsub was screaming bloody murder, so Minhyuk decided it was time for them to leave the establishment.

They had decided to go home for tonight and discuss about the money tomorrow. The boys left Ilhoon with Hyunsik as they were neighbours, and the two groups walked off in separate directions.

Hyunsik pats his coat pocket which has at least a hundred in each (they decided to withdraw five hundred dollars _just in case_ ) and sighs contentedly. He had had a few drinks, and while he wasn’t as drunk as Ilhoon, he was slightly buzzed, and the cool autumn wind feels nice against his flushed skin. He chuckles as Ilhoon drapes his arm around him.

“How are you so drunk?” Hyunsik laughed at Ilhoon who was struggling to walk in a straight line, clinging to his friend’s right arm for support.

“I am not,” Ilhoon hiccupped. “Drunk.”

“Sure you aren’t.”

The two walked (stumbled) in silence for a while as they turned a corner and went up the slope leading to their street.

“Hyung,” Ilhoon suddenly says. “I have a great idea about what to do with the money.”

“And what is that?”

“We should go inside these houses and leave some money. Like (hiccup) robin hood.”

“That’s probably the second stupidest thing you’ve said to me today.”

“Okay but the first stupid thing led to a _good_ thing.”

He has a point. But he wasn’t about to do something illegal. Like trespassing.

Even though it’s to leave money. Or that it’d make him robin hood.

He wasn’t even considering it.

“No.”

“Ah, hyung,” Ilhoon slurs. “Always the no-jam hyung.”

“Someone has to be if you’re like this,” Hyunsik chuckles as he watches Ilhoon fumble around for his house keys. He takes it from the younger boy and rolls his eyes as he unlatches the gate.

“Here we go,” he grunts as he pushes a half-asleep Ilhoon into the bedroom. Ilhoon flops down onto the messy bed and Hyunsik makes himself comfortable on the floor. He scans the room, his eyes falling upon the poorly concealed beer stash under Ilhoon’s bed. Scooting over, he takes a couple of cans and pops one open. It fizzes, and a few drops spilled over on his shirt, but Hyunsik doesn’t really mind.

His mind plays over to the cash he won, and he was still convinced it was all a dream. Or a really cruel prank. He laughs to himself as he chugs the beer, bitter and warm. He doesn’t like this particular brand of beer. It was more of Ilhoon’s kind of alcohol, but he got used to it. Leaning against the wall, he deliberates making a list, like what Minhyuk-hyung had suggested, but he was too lazy and drunk to do it right now. So he lets himself dream of what the million dollars could give him – a car, a new house, moving to the city so he could pursue music, travelling with his friends – he glances over at the already snoring Ilhoon and takes another sip of the beer. He chuckles, remembering the younger boy’s idea of being robin hood. The small town would surely be full of gossip if the residents caught wind of a robin hood giving away money in the middle of the night.

**

Hyunsik wasn’t sure how many beers he’s downed because he’s suddenly feeling quite tipsy and giddy with excitement. The idea of doing something crazy gives him an unexpected adrenaline rush and suddenly he feels like he could get away with absolutely everything. He tries to stand up and makes a beeline for Ilhoon’s bed, plopping onto the area that is not occupied by his sleeping friend and taps Ilhoon on the back.

“Ilhoon-ah,” he whispers loudly. Ilhoon doesn’t wake.

“Jung Ilhoon,” he tries again. He nudges his friend, this time a bit rougher, and Ilhoon mumbles something incoherent. Hyunsik sighs in frustration. He turns the other boy over and tries to pull him out of bed.

“Nggggghhhhhh,” Ilhoon refuses, trying to open his eyes to see just who dares to wake him in this state. His eyes closed again when he sees the culprit. “Hyung, go home.”

“No, no, I have a better idea,” Hyunsik whispers urgently. He lifts himself from the bed and sits on Ilhoon’s lap, bombarding the younger’s chest with punches.

Ilhoon grabbed a pillow and tries to swat his friend away, but to no avail. He gives up, deciding that he was really was too drunk for this.

“If you don’t wake up, I will tell Sungjae that you were the one who took his favourite eraser,” Hyunsik threatens.

“You wouldn’t,” Ilhoon mumbles. “You wouldn’t ruin our friendship like that.”

“Well, you’re ruining _our_ friendship if you don’t get up now and help me gain glory by being robin hood.”

Ilhoon turns his head to look at Hyunsik. “Robin hood?”

“Robin hood,” Hyunsik echoes seriously. Ilhoon stayed still for a few seconds before groaning.

“Mmhhh, water,” Ilhoon gestures vaguely at his desk. Hyunsik walks over and grabs the bottle of water. He almost trips over a suspicious piece of laundry on the floor.

“Here.”

In ten minutes, Ilhoon was 5% less drunk, and Hyunsik was still smiling like a fool. He was impressed at the fact that Ilhoon woke up in the state he is in and at how he actually managed to wake his friend up. Given five more minutes, he would’ve crashed on the bed too.

“Let’s go.”

**

“Have you done this before?” Hyunsik whispers loudly. He was starting to have second thoughts.

“Yes, I have robbed at least ten houses in my lifetime,” Ilhoon whispers back in sarcasm. “ _No_ , of course I haven’t. How difficult could it be anyway? All we have to do is check if the windows are locked and if it isn’t it, well, it’s that person’s lucky day.”

Hyunsik follows Ilhoon who has managed to climb over a neighbour’s gate, as careful as his drunken self allows him to. He lands on the ground with a soft thud, almost colliding into Ilhoon who was staying still, his eyes darting around to survey the house in front of them.

“What are you doing?” Hyunsik hisses at his friend who was now prodding the windows. _Tap_ , _tap_ , _tap_. Hyunsik is convinced they were going to get caught and he would live his life regretting even taking the phone call earlier that day.

“Shhh! I need to check if any of the windows are open.” Ilhoon snaps at his hyung. His eyes light up when one of the windows opened with a quiet squeak. The two of them looked at each other with wide eyes. _Shit_ , Hyunsik realizes, _I’m really doing this_.

Ilhoon tries to get the window to open big enough for them to crawl in, and he makes sure to take off his shoes beforehand. He wiggles his body between the opening, shushing Hyunsik who was making a fair amount of noise due to his slightly larger frame. Ilhoon gestures to his pocket and Hyunsik passes him a stack of bills. They look around but all they could see was darkness and suddenly it was all too real and scary to Hyunsik.

“Just leave it on the floor and we can go,” Hyunsik whispers hurriedly.

“That wouldn’t be very robin hood of us,” Ilhoon argues back. “Let’s wait until our eyes adjust.”

“Adjust _how_ – it’s literally pitch black here.”

“Hyung, calm down.”

Hyunsik was almost screeching at this point. “How do you calm down in this situation?”

A creak stops them from exchanging not-so-quiet whispers, and they stood extremely still. They looked at each other in fear, and Hyunsik was certain his heart had already exploded (and so did his bladder). After what seems like an eternity, the door creaks open and Ilhoon audibly gasps as the lights went on.

“Ilhoon?” A voice quips. “ _Hyunsik?_ ”

Hyunsik squints at the sudden brightness. He pauses when he sees the figure standing in the doorway, phone in one hand, a baseball bat in the other.

“Changsub hyung?” Ilhoon asks, dropping his voice to a whisper. “Are you here to become robin hood too?”

“What the hell-” He blinks at Ilhoon’s question in confusion. “Robin hood?”

“Yeah, we were going to drop some cash off at people’s houses.” He pauses. “Did Hyunsik-hyung text you about it? Is that why you’re here?”

Changsub turns around to look at Hyunsik who, at this point, was slowly coming to a realization.

“Uh,” Hyunsik says, trying to avoid eye contact with his hyung. He turns to Ilhoon, who was trying to switch the lights off “ _in case the owners wake up_ ”. “I think we’re at Changsub-hyung’s house.”

There was a beat of silence as Changsub glares at the still-drunk duo.

“Ohhh,” Ilhoon finally acknowledges the situation. “Well, this is awkward.”

**

**[Changsub and 4 others are online]**

**Changsub** : I cannot believe they broke into my house

 **Peniel** : loool

 **Changsub** : Hoonie was blabbering about being robin hood

 **Minhyukie** : [tears of joy emoji]

 **Changsub** : they didn’t even recognize it was my house

 **Peniel** : their drunk adventures just keep on getting better

 **Eunkwang hyung** **♡** : don’t enable their actions!!!

 **6ixca$h** : first of all, I am offended that I was not invited

 **Peniel** : you were probably passed out last night so

 **6ixca$h** : aND WHAT ABOUT IT

 **Eunkwang hyung** **♡** : where are they now?

 **Changsub** : still knocked out on the floor of my bedroom

 **Changsub** : idiots

 **Minhyukie** : are we still meeting up later? kkkkkk

 **Eunkwang hyung** **♡** : we’ll have to wait for them to wake up

 **Changsub** : I think it’d be better if they _aren’t_ participating in the discussion

 **Minhyukie** : hahahahahaha

 **Eunkwang hyung** **♡** : [tears of joy emoji] text us when they’re up

**[Im Hyunsik is now online]**

**Im Hyunsik** : I’M SO SORRY

 **Im Hyunsik** : I HAVE DISAPPOINTED ALL OF YOU

 **Im Hyunsik** : I SHOULDN’T HAVE LISTENED TO THE SCAMMER IN THE FIRST PLACE

 **6ixca$h** : u mean the one who called u or Jung Ilhoon

 **Minhyukie** : hahahahahahahahahahahaha

 **Im Hyunsik** : both.

 **Eunkwang hyung** **♡** : get sobered up, both of you

 **Eunkwang hyung** **♡** : I’m coming over in half an hour

**[Eunkwang hyung** **♡** **went offline]**

**6ixca$h** : should I bring popcorn

 **Im Hyunsik** : I thought you were on our side, Sungjae :(

 **6ixca$h** : not after I was LEFT OUT

**[6ixca$h and 1 other went offline]**

**Peniel** : I’ll see you both at your funerals later!!

**[Peniel and 1 other went offline]**

**[The True Scammer is now online]**

**The True Scammer** : As much as I’d like to claim credit, Hyunsik hyung dragged _me_ out of bed

 **Im Hyunsik** : Shut _up_ Ilhoon

**[Im Hyunsik went offline]**


End file.
